In life we always have choices. We can choose to focus on the negative or the positive. No one can take away that power from us.
Unfortunately, a lot of people choose to focus their energy on what not working versus what’s working. When the difficult times arrive, they choose to give them the wrong meaning.
Our lessons and gifts in life don’t always come as chocolate covered ice cream. Sometimes they come as a rose stem full of thorns. It’s not until we accept the thorns and plant the stem in the water of faith, the rose begins to unfold.
Some people would ask me if I’m always happy and fired up. They think because I’m a motivational speaker, life is always amazing for me. No, I’m not always Mr. Motivator. I have had moments of despair, worries, and uncertainties just like everybody. That’s called life. Please watch this video and you will see what I mean.
If you want to learn how to get rid of bad habits and create better ones, you will need to make some sacrifices. We all have some bad habits that are preventing us from realizing our dreams. And those habits unconsciously creep on us. By the time we notice the habit, it’s already been formed.
Many people struggle in life and at work because of the habits that sneak up on them along the way. Have you ever wondered why someone is so successful in the workplace while others remain stuck in one position at the bottom of the ladder? It’s because that person develops some terrific habits of productivity.
The bad news is, it’s really hard to break those bad habits. Yes, it’s easy to form them. After all, we were present when we created them. There was no pain involved.
On the other hand, a good habit is rarely created on its own. It takes efforts to form them consciously. Fortunately, there’s a proven and scientific way to break those bad habits. That is exactly what this video is about.
Okay, why is breaking bad habits is so critical? Well, think about your future self. The habits you create now will most definitely dictate the quality of your life tomorrow.
Whether you agree with me or not, you are going to be 50, 60, or 70 years old. There’s no way around it. You will get old. You need to be kind to that 60 years old you. Be considerate and thoughtful. Be mindful.
If not, you will eventually end up living in regrets. You will be disappointed. You will live with a life full of resentments.
Nothing is sadder than meeting a grumpy old man full of regrets, moaning, complaining, and making excuses. He is blaming people, things, and circumstances. It’s the wife’s fault. It’s the government. It’s the boss. I mean one excuse after another.
How Habits Are Formed
To form a habit, it takes a trigger, behavior, and a reward. The trigger prompts you to take an action or behave a certain way. Then you feel good or great depending on the action. Every behavior has a good intention. Yes, I do mean every behavior. Even when the behavior is evil, the intention of the behavior is to reward the person.
There are two kinds of triggers. There’s the hot trigger. There’s the cold trigger.
The hot trigger is associated with instant gratification. Simply put, you get a reward instantly. You open the refrigerator, and you see the ice cream. That’s a hot trigger. You then consume the ice cream. Then you feel good. You get rewarded.
How about a cold trigger? Now, we are talking about delayed gratification. You get the reward later. Let’s say you are driving, and you hear an advertisement on the radio for something you are interested in. The announcer mentions the website.
Well, you cannot go to the site because you don’t have a computer and internet access right there. That’s a cold trigger. You will take the action and get the reward later.
The Habit Loop
So, the sequence of the trigger, routine or behavior, and reward is called the habit loop. It always happens in the same sequence without fail. Do you see how you can create some bad habits without being aware you are doing it?
How to Get Rid of Bad Habits
Okay, we talked about how we form those bad habits. How do we break them for good?
The answer is easy. Remove the triggers. Don’t put ice cream in your refrigerator. Make sure your environment is free of hot triggers.
How to Form Good Habits
To form good habits, you need to learn how to turn your cold triggers into hot triggers. As I just mentioned, if you remove alcohol or ice cream, they automatically become hot triggers.
Now, you have to get dressed, get in your car, and fight traffic to get the ice cream. All those steps might discourage you. Also, the reward is no longer instant. Since we know the brain is wired for instant gratification, it will find something else to reward it.
Keep this in mind, this is your real life. You are not on this earth to rehearse this life. Some people live as if they are coming back to do it for real. That’s pretty sad. That’s why I’m imploring you to start breaking those bad habits as soon as you.
I came to the US broke, unable to speak English, with zero confidence in myself.
I had only $5, two shirts, and one pair of pants in the tiny suitcase you see in the picture. I was extremely shy and timid.
Because of my inability to speak the language, some people assumed I was stupid.
As a janitor at the 163rd Mall in Miami, I freaked out whenever I would see a security guard. I was afraid they might work for immigration.
One day, I saw a girl that I had gone to school with in Haiti. She looked the other way so that other people would not see her talking to a janitor.
I went to McDonald’s hoping to get a job to pick up trash in the parking lot. They turned me down because I couldn’t speak English. Go figure! I didn’t know the trashcans spoke English.
Later, I went to Total Bank in South Miami and begged them to let me wash their cars. After many rejections, one man said yes. I did a fantastic job!
Suddenly, I became the “car guy” in the parking lot. I remember looking up at the top floors in between car washes and saying to myself, “I would love to go up there as a janitor.”
I went to McDonald to get a job to pick up trash in the parking lot. I was turned down because I couldn’t speak English. Go figure! I didn’t know the trashcans spoke English.
Later, I went to Total Bank in South Miami. I begged the people to let me wash their cars. After many rejections, one man said yes. I did a fantastic job!
Suddenly, I became the car guy in the parking lot. I remember looking up at the top floors in between car washes and said to myself, “I would love to go up there as a janitor.”
Four years later I’m now in Atlanta. I managed to get at the Kmart warehouse loading boxes. One year later, I got my CNA (certified nursing assistant) license.
I worked as a companion for a Jewish man. After he died, his family help me get a job as a doorman at the Waverly Renaissance Hotel. I was there for 14 years.
As I was parking the cars, I would notice some motivational and business books in the back seats. I bought them and devoured every word on the pages.
One of them mentioned speaking for a living. I said to myself, “I want to try that speaking thing. Why not?”
I told a guy who was my supervisor that I was going to become a motivational speaker and write a book. Well, it turned out that he was a hater.
He said, “With your Haitian accent? Man, no corporation would pay to listen to you. You have no credentials.”
I told him I was not asking for his permission and approval to be a motivational speaker and author. God already approved me the day I was born.
However, his stupid remarks triggered a lot of doubts and fears in my head anyway.
Fortunately, I saw this motivational speaker on TV motivating people in this country. I said to myself, “Shoot! If Jerry Springer can motivate Americans, I can do it too.”
Fast-forward today. I am the author of three books. And one them won the Writers Digest Awards. Indeed, many Fortune 500 corporations have paid to motivate and boost the morale of their employees.
A few years ago, the Napoleon Hill Foundation booked me to speak at their annual event. Guess where that event was held?
At the McDonald’s Headquarters! Yep, the guy who couldn’t get a job to pick up trash at the parking lot of one of their stores in Miami.
Oh, by the way, the Chairwoman of Total Bank heard saw me on television talking about washing cars in the parking.
She called and invited to speak at their breakfast for the senior leaders.
Yep! The event was held on the very top floor. I’m having goosebumps as I typed these words.
I took the time to write this long post to inspire you and stir your soul. If you happen to be in a comfort zone, I want to disturb you and disrupt your complacency.
Don’t ever let the haters and losers predict your future. You don’t need their approval and permission. They are not your makers.
Instead, get rid of them. While you are at it, purge some so-called friends as well. Go on the journey alone if you have to. The thing is, you won’t be alone for too long. There are plenty of winners waiting to cheer you up. Don’t look back.
Finally, I’m not sure what’s the top floor for you. But, here’s what I am 100% sure of: With hard work, resilience, and positive expectancy, you are guaranteed to get there.
Don’t doubt yourself. It doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter how long you have been trying. Keep pressing on! Hold on to your dream! Don’t give up! Keep climbing!
Feeling discouraged or depressed is a fact of life. Whether you are rich or poor, you will experience hardships.
That explains why a famous person with millions of fans and a truckload of money would commit suicide.
You see, hopelessness can sap your energy. It can make you feel like life isn’t worth living. It can kill your motivation to the point you don’t want to do anything.
Maybe you are going through some difficult change in the workplace or your personal life. Maybe someone disappointed you. And you want to give up on yourself.
Perhaps you did everything to make things better. You poured your heart out. But the situation continues to get worse.
Look, I don’t know the source of your downheartedness. But, what I know for sure is that if you hang in there, the tide will turn in your favor. I promise that things will eventually get better.
I have no doubt that you went through some difficult changes in your life. You didn’t think you were going to get through it. Right? But, guess what? You did.
5 Ways You Can Stop Feeling Discouraged
1. Model The Caterpillar’s Way Of Dealing With Discouragement
Don’t rush the process. There’s no success without a process.
Whether you are dealing with a relationship, workplace, or business problem, you should understand you are in a process. A little patience goes a long way. You should hang in there!
The process is your teacher. It’s revealing to you what you are made of. It’s your test. As the saying goes, there’s no testimony without a test.
You need to embrace the process and be a patient student.
Have you ever seen a caterpillar cocooning? Can you guess what would happen if slice the silky pouch to help the caterpillar become a butterfly faster?
The answer is simple. You will kill it.
The caterpillar knows to keep pressing on and stay in the process. It knows if it gives up, it is doomed.
Sometimes, you don’t see the results fast enough because you are not ready. You don’t get what you want because it’s not the right thing or time for you.
As the saying goes, “Patience is a virtue.” I believe a lack of patience is a lack of gratitude as well.
The key is to focus on your progress versus your lacks. As long as you are making some type of progress, you should not feel discouraged.
When I first came to the United States, I was a broke immigrant. Nobody wanted to give me a job because I didn’t speak any English.
My disappointment level was at an all-time high. Imagine if I had given up and decided to go back to Haiti. What would life be like today for me?
Maybe you are having financial or relationship difficulties. Maybe you are getting impatient because you are not seeing the results fast enough. You probably feel stuck.
I just want you to understand no condition is permanent. Things will change. One day you will look back and feel very happy you are hanging in there.
But, you must not quit. As you might already know, quitters don’t win. Be patient. Have a reverence for the process.
2. Take Ownership Of The Situation
The moment you feel like the situation is totally out of your control, you have no power to change it.
The moment you feel like the situation is totally out of your control, you have no power to change it.
Whatever you cannot control in your life, controls you. It’s either you take ownership or let it ruin your life.
If you are saying to yourself, “Rene, you are right. I feel like I have no control over this situation I’m dealing with. What do you suggest?”
Well, you can simply choose to change the way you are reacting or responding.
If you have no control over the situation, don’t focus your energy on it.
The reality is, there’s always something you can do to make things better. Quit saying, “Why is this happening to me?” Instead, ask yourself, “What can I do to change this situation?”
The kind of questions you are consistently asking yourself will determine how you feel about the challenge. Don’t ask, “Why am I struggling so much?” Change the question to, “How can I change my situation?”
Disempowering questions will easily sink you deeper into depression and discouragement. They can cause you to think worse will happen.
Ask yourself questions that give you power over the situation when you are feeling discouraged. You are in control, and you are not a victim.
I’m not saying it’s your fault. I’m just trying to get you to see you cannot change how people behave or the external circumstances. It’s a waste of time and energy.
Choose to change what’s within your control. By that, I mean how you feel or what you are saying to yourself.
If there’s something you can do that’s within your control, do it instead of losing sleep over what’s outside your control.
3. Don’t Be Too Attached to The Outcome
There’s no guarantee that things will turn out according to your expectations. Be prepared to accept any outcome instead of feeling discouraged.
Most people are devastated when they have the outcome they had in mind. They think all their expectations should be met.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t expect the best. I’m saying to accept what you end up with and move on. It makes no sense to continue feeling discouraged long after the event.
Put it behind you. Set some new expectations and be ready to embrace whatever happens.
One of my coaching clients started creating videos for YouTube. Once he realized he wasn’t getting enough views, he gave up. Let me tell you why.
It’s because he doesn’t understand what it means to be passionate about his craft. When painters, singers, or performers are creating, they never worry about the crowd.
The outcome of their hard work may be a standing ovation. It may also be criticism. No matter what the end result it, they are fine with it.
Passionate people do things because of the internal satisfaction they. They understand perfection comes from imperfections.
Masters often lose themselves in the act of creation. They are more concerned about creating a masterpiece than applause. Their two main habits are patience and hard work.
Masters often lose themselves in the act of creation. They are more concerned about creating a masterpiece than applause. Their two main habits are patience and hard work.
4. Change Your Physiology
When people are feeling discouraged or depressed, their first tendency is to stay home, curl under a cover and have a pity party.
They don’t want to have contact with people. They shut off. Meeting new friends is the least important thing on their priority list. Self-pity is their preferred mode.
Sadly, isolating yourself from the world generates more discouragement and depression. Notice how your body responds to your thoughts.
The physiology of a happy, excited, and fulfilled person is totally different from that of a discouraged person.
Fortunately, we can instantly change our physiology by changing our thoughts or our movements. Do not stay in one place.
Do not avoid people. Be on the move. Have you ever noticed how busy people have no time to keep feeling discouraged?
Motion creates emotion.
If you want to change your current feeling, you must move your body. Do something physical.
Go to the park for a walk or to the gym to work out. Go to a networking event. Although the Coronavirus is now changing how we interact with each other. But, I believe we will get back to normal living soon.
5. Listen to Uplifting Music to Stop Feeling Discouraged
For thousands of years, it has been impacting our lives. You can literally create a shift in someone’s mood or attitude in an instant by playing inspiring music for them.
At first, the person may show no interest. But the music will trigger the right part of the brain on its own. The brain will do the work as soon as it hears the music.
If you want to boost your energy level or get over your discouragement, put on your favorite songs. Just put the music on even if you don’t feel up to it. Then notice how it begins to respond. It works like magic.
There are many irrefutable scientific types of research about the benefits of music and exercising. They increase your focus, change your moods, boost your productivity, and keep you healthy.
If you can hit the gym and listen to mood altering songs when you are feeling discouraged, you would be all set.
Conclusion
If you believe in God or you know Jesus is your guide, why not lean on that? Work on your faith. Read your Bible more often.
You never know, one good story from a good old book might do the trick for you.
What I’m essentially saying is this: You must learn all the techniques and strategies that can put you in a positive mindset.
Once you find the right information that works for you, stick to it. Apply it over and over until you feel better.
By the way, I’m curious. What is it that is making you feel discouraged or depressed. Share it below. I might have some specific advice for you.
Finally, feeling discouraged is not a permanent situation unless you choose to make it so.
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